Twelve Talks to
Have With Teens
Sex and Consent
Jefferson County teens report that while adults discuss the physical aspects of sex with them, adults are not providing needed guidance to teens about creating healthy relationships, consent, the use of alcohol as a “date rape” drug, sending nude photos, and/or making sexual comments about others.
Talking about sexual relationships and consent with your teen can be uncomfortable; however, you need to talk about it even when it is uncomfortable. Do not count on sex education at school to cover all the information your teen needs to know or has questions about.
Protection from unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections should be part of any conversation with your teen. Teens can get access to free and low-cost condoms or birth control at Jefferson County Public Health.
Your teen might not know the majority of teens are NOT having sex. In fact, the percentage of U.S. high school students who had ever had sex decreased from 47% in 2011 to 30% in 2021 (CDC Youth Risk Behavior Survey).
Your teen may not know harassment includes any kind of unwanted touching, making comments about other people’s bodies, talking about others in a sexual way, and social media posts that include anything sexual about another person. Make sure you are discussing why all of these behaviors are unacceptable.
Asking for or sending nude photos is an important topic to discuss with your teen. Taking a naked “selfie” and sharing it with one friend may seem harmless; however, these photos are often shared with friends and friends of friends or may be posted on social media. The teen in the photo has no control over who sees the photo or where it may end up. In addition to being illegal in Colorado, possessing or exchanging nude photos can be an issue later in life by resurfacing (for example, during a college or employment application process).
Jefferson County High School Age Youth
Healthy Kids Colorado Survey
Video: Tea and Consent
Open Ended Questions
Here are some open ended questions you can use to talk to your teen about sex and consent:
- What kinds of sex-related stuff do people talk about at school?
- How would you stop a friend who was going to have sex with someone who was drunk?
- What exactly does consent mean?
- I might not know the answers, but what questions do you have about birth control?
- How does your school define sexual harassment? What do they do to keep it from happening?
- Why do teens send nude pictures? What would you do if you received one?
Conversation Starters
Read up to get ready:
- The Consent Conversation: What Is Consent, and How Do You Discuss It with Kids? has great information, including how to start the conversation with children, tweens and teens.
- Mayo Clinic’s article on sex education: Talking to your Teen about Sex includes suggestions for starting the conversation and addressing tough topics.
- Our Children:Questions and Answers for Loved Ones of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual+, Transgender, Queer, and Questioning People includes suggestions for talking to your gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, gender-nonconforming, or not-sure teenager.
Avoid having the conversation stop before it starts by asking open ended questions that cannot be answered “yes,” “no,” or with a single word, Try some open ended questions, such as the ones listed at the top of this page.
Show or send them a video, such as Consent is like a Cup of Tea.
When a news story, meme, movie, TV program, or music video raises issues about sex or consent, use it as an opportunity to start a discussion.
Teens who experience relationship violence may face unique barriers, such as limited access to resources, attending the same school as the abuser, having limited access to transportation, or less control over their schedules. A trusted adult may not be able to remove all of these barriers, but they can help the teen create a safety plan. Talk to your teen about the trusted adults they have in their lives.
Ask yourself
Do you bring up this topic often enough? The “sex talk” is not just one talk. It is a series of talks that take place multiple times and cover many topics, including boundaries, pressure to have sex, consent, birth control, protection from sexually transmitted diseases. Also, answer any questions that come up and/or find out the answer together with your teen by asking a doctor or other trusted health source.
- Do not avoid talking about sex and consent just because you feel strongly your teen should not have sex. You may decide to preface your comments with, “I hope you do not have sex, but if you do…”
- Include information about asking for, sending, or passing along nude photographs (also called sexting). In addition to family boundaries about sexting, encourage your teen to understand what is and is not legal in Colorado.
Have you discussed consent with your teen? Talk specifically and directly about what consent is — explicit, verbal permission to initiate and continue sexual contact. Also talk about what is not consent, including:
- Implied permission or previous permission
- Silence
- Pressuring someone or tricking them
- If either party is intoxicated
Did you know, according to the 2023 Healthy Kids Colorado Survey, the number of Jefferson County high school students who report having been sexually assaulted is higher among female-identifying and LGBTQ+ students?
- 5.4% of female-identifying, 1.7.% of male-identifying, and 13.6% of nonbinary-identifying students reported they have been physically forced to have sex when they did not want to.
- 11.3% of bisexual-idenfying, 10.5% of gay-identifying, and 14.1% of pansexual-identifying students have been physically forced to have sex when they did not want to.
Have you told your teen directly that combining sex — of any type — with alcohol or other drugs is not acceptable? They should not have sex with someone who has been drinking or taking drugs, and they need to stop others from hooking up with someone who is intoxicated. No one can give consent if they have taken, or may have taken, any type of alcohol or drugs.
Data included on this page includes:
Healthy Kids Colorado Survey 2023 (HKCS 2023)
Jefferson County Communities That Care Youth Town Hall 2024 (YTH 2024)
