Twelve Talks to
Have With Teens
Friends
Teen friendships can take place both in person and online, including on social media.
Adults cannot control teen friendships, but they can be role models for positive, respectful relationships, and they can talk with teens about healthy friendships.
Positive social connections help ensure healthy development physically, socially, and emotionally. Friendships play an important role in the lives of teens as they become increasingly independent and develop their own identities.
Evidence suggests that positive friendships in adolescence can lay the groundwork for decreased depression and anxiety and increased self-worth as adults (NPR).
Many teens use some form of social media to build and maintain friendships. It is important to connect with your teen in a way that helps both of you understand that you respect their privacy but also want to make sure they are safe.
The number one place where teens learn about relationships is in their families. What they learn about building and maintaining relationships with parents and siblings has a lot of influence on how they find and get along with friends.
Video - Teen Voices: Friendships and Social Media
Open Ended Questions
Here are some open ended questions you can use to talk to your teen about friends:
- What do you find hardest about friendships?
- I am curious. How do you and your friends use Snapchat/TikTok?
- What did you and your friends end up doing last night?
- Seems like you haven’t mentioned your friends much lately. What is going on with them?
- What makes somebody a good friend?
- What is the hardest thing about juggling friendships and other stuff?
- How do you and your friends have fun?
Conversation Starters
Are you unsure if you like your teen’s friends? Finding out why your teen likes their friends, in a non-judgemental way, could bring you closer and develop trust.
Discuss how your teen’s friend group handles standing up for each other, including: de-escalating conflicts, helping to diffuse harassment or bullying in person and online, and stopping unwanted sexual advances.
Talk about how you have handled peer pressure. Share about a time you have resisted peer pressure and explain how you handled the situation.
Ask yourself
What could you do to get to know your teen’s friends better? Talk with your teen about ideas on how to get to know their friends. Food can be a great way to get to know your teen’s friends. Ask if they want you to make or buy some food for friends who might want to come over or if you can take their friends out for a meal or snack together.
Does your family have a trusted adult your teen can contact if they have a problem or safety concern? Start by helping your teen add contact information into their phone for an adult they would feel comfortable going to — in addition to you or instead of you — if they need guidance or are worried about a friend. For certain issues, like when they want to get law enforcement involved but remain anonymous, you or your teen might choose to contact Colorado Safe2Tell (1-877-542-7233).
How well do you know your teen’s friends’ parents? If your teen is spending time, staying over, or going on a trip with another family, check in with the parent/guardian who will be with the teens and make sure they know how to get in touch with you.
Do you model sharing about friendships? Let your teen know what you value in your own friendships. If you have a challenging or delicate situation with a friend, tell your teen about it and ask how they would handle it. You might be surprised by their insights, and you will model talking to each other about friendships.
Data included on this page includes:
Healthy Kids Colorado Survey 2023 (HKCS 2023)
Jefferson County Communities That Care Youth Town Hall 2024 (YTH 2024)
