Research and data template
Research and Data Template
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Conversation Starters
Work with your teen to find a good time of day to have the discussion.Make sure you have plenty of time, you’re in a good mood and there has not been any recent, severe or unaddressed conflict. Minimize distractions or interruptions. Ideally, have a discussion with the whole family or all people involved present.
During the conversation, aim to:
- Listen and respond to the youth’s concerns.
- Be clear and precise to ensure that there’s no miscommunication.
- Negotiate points that you disagree on, but be clear if there is something that is non-negotiable (and explain why).
- Remind them why you’re establishing boundaries together and reiterate your care and concern for them.
- Discuss what the consequences will be if the boundaries are not followed. Be clear that they have control over avoiding these consequences.
- If the conversation is turning into an unproductive argument, take a break and follow-up when things have cooled down a bit. Consider setting a specific time frame for returning to the discussion.
- Suggest a follow-up talk to cover other things that come up unexpectedly, or that don’t feel resolved.
Conversation Starters
What could I think through prior to discussing boundaries with my teen? If possible, discuss your thoughts with other involved adults to help minimize confusing, unclear or mixed messages for your teen.
- What are the most important boundaries?
- What are boundaries around technology, video games and social media use?
- Which boundaries are negotiable, and which are not?
- What kind of consequences are we comfortable with? How might they backfire or be difficult to implement? See this tip sheets for more information about effective consequences for teens.
- When, how, and why do established boundaries change?
Have you asked your teen what boundaries they would like you, as an adult, to stick to? Some possible boundaries an adult might agree to could include your expectation for their participation in family obligations or events, ways your respect their privacy, your interactions with their teachers/ coaches/ work supervisor/ school, allowing the teen to call a “time out” during conversations, etc. Like the boundaries they agree to follow, it’s important that you stick to boundaries that you agreed to.
Have you asked for your teens’ feedback on the process? Young people are less likely to stick to boundaries that have been dictated to them without negotiation.
