Twelve Talks to
Have With Teens
Hopefulness and Coping
Teen years are a time of rapid social, emotional, and physical development.
You can support your teen by talking to them about their strategies for dealing with the ups and downs of life. You can also talk to them about their hopes for next week, next year, and beyond.
Teens often feel a great deal of pressure. They may navigate academic and social pressures, bullying and harassment, unhealthy relationships, depression and anxiety, family instability, substance misuse, relationship issues, and other issues causing them stress
Asking your teen about how they feel can help guide them toward finding their own hopefulness and healthy coping strategies. When adults validate and normalize emotions like anger, happiness, sadness, hope, and frustration, teens learn that it is normal to have many different emotions (some all at the same time) and they do not need to hide or deal with their emotions alone.
Identifying and prioritizing healthy activities like getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, exercising, listening to music, laughing with friends, and doing other things that your teen really enjoys can make a huge difference in how they feel emotionally.
By offering consistent modeling and support to teens, adults can help increase teen hopefulness and the use of healthy coping strategies. Let your teen know you are proud of them when they deal with challenges.
A quarter of Jefferson County high school students felt so sad or hopeless almost every day for two weeks in a row or more in the past 12 months that they stopped doing some usual activities and 5% reported that they had attempted suicide in the past year (HKCS 2023). Communicate to your teen that seeking mental health care for depression or suicidality is a sign of strength. If you, or your teen, is in immediate crisis text “TALK” to 38255 or call 1-844-493-TALK (8255) to be connected to a mental health professional at Colorado Crisis Services to talk over anxiety, suicidal thoughts, substance misuse, or other issues. Visit the Help & Resources page to find additional support for your teen.
Video - Resilience
Open Ended Questions
Here are some open ended questions you can use to talk to your teen about hopefulness and coping:
- When you think about your future, what makes you hopeful?
- When I am stressed, my best healthy coping mechanism is _____. What is yours?
- What did you and your friends end up doing last night?
- What are your thoughts about self-care? How do you do it?
- What would you do if a friend seemed to have lost hope?
- What is something you have been coping with really well over the past year?
- What is your best way to deal with intense anger or frustration?
- What stresses you out the most? How do you deal with that?
Conversation Starters
Look for an opener when someone you know, or a person on TV or the radio, mentions either positive or negative coping. Ask your teen:
- How are they using that as a coping strategy?
- I wonder if that is working for them.
- If possible, follow up by asking them about their coping strategies and how well they work.
Ask questions that show you are thinking about your teen, such as:
- “You seem kind of stressed. What do you need?”
- Then, follow up with an appealing offer based on what they need such as:
- “Should we sit here and talk?”
- “Can I get you some food?”
- “Need a hug?”
- “Want to go for a drive/walk/ride?”
- Then, follow up with an appealing offer based on what they need such as:
Share some positive coping skills you have with your teen. The American Psychological Association has some suggestions you can discuss.
A video can be a great conversation starter. This video, Resilience, provides an interesting perspective from author Alyson Reid-Laradem, who talks about different types of coping and how stress levels change in the teenage years.
Ask yourself
Are you modeling healthy coping? You have had ups and downs in your life — it is normal and okay to talk about these issues with your teen.
Have you talked to your teen about the fact self-care can improve your mood? Basic self-care includes eating healthy food, staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, exercising, bathing, and doing fun, meaningful activities.
If you are not “filling your own cup” you should be! You will not only be better able to help your teen, you will also be a great role model for your teen. If you are engaging in healthy coping, point out your own positive strategies in lighthearted ways like:
- “Yeah, you may or may not have noticed that if I do not exercise, I become rather unfriendly… so, I am going out for a run.”
- “Sometimes baking cookies is almost like a ladder to climb out of my own bad mood.”
- “For me, talking to my best friend/doctor/therapist/religious leader helps me figure out stuff. I just kind of have trouble figuring it out on my own.”
Are you saying – out loud – that asking for help is a sign of strength?
- Remind your teen that getting help, including help with mental health, shows strength and courage. Visit the Help & Resources page together with your teen to find support.
- Tell your teen directly and multiple times (even if they roll their eyes) that you are proud of what they have overcome using their determination, resilience, and other strengths.
Data included on this page includes:
Healthy Kids Colorado Survey 2023 (HKCS 2023)
Jefferson County Communities That Care Youth Town Hall 2024 (YTH 2024)
