Twelve Talks to
Have With Teens
Dating
Talk with your teens about creating healthy relationships (Love is Respect).
Do teens use the word “dating”? You would need to ask each teen! Words used to refer to types of relationships vary – and tend to change over time – but terms could include: dating, relationship, hooking up, talking, seeing, being exclusive, hanging out and many others.
While dating is a normal part of being a teen, only about one in three high school teens have ever been in a committed relationship.
Teens need to know that in a healthy relationship your significant other:
Respects you, your boundaries, and your individuality.
Trusts you and you both feel safe being open and honest.
Supports you and your (safe) choices even when they disagree with you.
Expects that you both have equal say.
Understands when you need to study or hang out with friends or family.
Does not make you feel afraid of negative consequences for communicating your feelings.
Is not excessively jealous and does not make you feel guilty when you spend time with family and friends.
Encourages you to achieve your goals and does not resent your accomplishments.
Treats you with kindness and respect.
As can happen with adults, a teen may value their relationship and may not see their partner’s behaviors as controlling, unhealthy, or abusive. Many times, the unhealthy or abusive behaviors may be portrayed as sweet or romantic, or as a normal part of being a teen. Abusive relationships do not always start out being abusive.
Jeffco Youth reporting use of substances in the prior 30 days.
RX Paid Med Misuse
9th Grade – less that 10%
10th Grade – less that 10%
11th Grade – less that 10%
12th Grade – less that 10%
Marijuana
9th grade – 11%
10th grade – 17%
11th grade – 25%
12th grade – 16%
Vape
9th grade – 18%
10th – 22%
11th grade – 32%
12th grade – 32%
Alcohol
9th grade – 17%
10th grade – 27%
11th grade – 38%
12th grade – 39%
2019 Healthy Kids Colorado Survey
Video: What Makes A Relationship Healthy?
Open Ended Questions
Here are some open ended questions you can use to talk to your teen about dating:
- If you were dating someone, how would you expect them to treat you?
- What would your ideal boyfriend/girlfriend/partner be like?
- How would you show a partner that you trust them?
- Who do you know who is in a really healthy relationship? What makes it work well?
- What do you consider to not be okay in relationships?
- What should someone do if they are starting to feel like they are being treated badly in a relationship?
- What do you call “dating”?
Conversation Starters
Jump in! Admit that you want to have an awkward conversation. That might make it a little less awkward.
- Tell them that you would love to talk to them about dating – and that includes anyone, of any gender or sexual orientation – that they are (or wish they were) dating!
Send them a link to a quiz and then ask them what they thought:
- For teens that are currently dating or may have been in a relationship before, send them a link to the Is my relationship healthy? Quiz.
- For teens that are currently dating, send them the Am I a good partner? Quiz.
- For teens that may not have been in a relationship before, send them the Cool Not Cool Quiz about healthy relationships.
- Or take it together with them and see how your answers compare to others.
Share this video from Futures Without Violence about digitally controlling relationships and ask them what they think.
Ask what they think about other people’s relationships. Whether in a movie, show, or in person, your teen is likely observing other people’s relationships. Consider your own relationships and what behaviors your teen observes. Teens sometimes base their own relationships on those they see among the adults in their lives.
Ask yourself
Are you assuming this topic does not apply to your teen because they are not dating? Often, teens do not refer to their intimate relationships as dating, and some teens report, of people their age who have been physically hurt in a relationship, nearly half the time no adults ever found out it happened (YTH 2024). Talking to your teen about healthy relationships is important, whether or not they are currently involved with a significant other.
Are you coming across as more judgmental than you mean to? Listen to your teen talk about their dating experience without judgment and encourage them to make their own decisions rather than telling them what to do.
Do you know the common warning signs that a relationship is going in the wrong direction (Love is Respect)?
- Checking your cell phone, email, or social media without permission.
- Constantly putting you down.
- Extreme jealousy or insecurity.
- Explosive temper.
- Isolating you from family or friends.
- Making false accusations.
- Mood swings.
- Physically hurting you in any way.
- Possessiveness.
- Telling you what to do.
- Pressuring or forcing you to engage in sexual activity.
Data included on this page includes:
Healthy Kids Colorado Survey 2023 (HKCS 2023)
Jefferson County Communities That Care Youth Town Hall 2024 (YTH 2024)
